AZPHALT

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Kitty Caucus

Slow news day? Latest News section on CNN reads, "iReport.com: cats vote in 'kitty caucus.'" WHAT? I had to click on it. Had to. Now, this is the type of headline you would expect to encounter on The Onion, but not CNN. Apparently, a gaggle of kitties will be "casting votes" or "pooping" until election day for their favorite candidate in respective blue and red litter boxes. Blue for Obama (of course) and Red for McCain. On November 4th the fecal matter will be tabulated, and whoever has the most poops wins. Are we sure that these kitties aren't actually registered voters? I mean, with all the recent accusations against ACORN...how can we be sure? And another thing...we may want to consider this process for our own election. It really would get to the heart of the current mood of the country, everything right now just plain stinks. The winner truly will be the one with the most shit to deal with.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Confirming My Paranoia

Just a few minutes ago Adam sent this story my way with subject, "I thought you should see this story." Now, considering my recent paranoia about mountain lion's eating my head when hiking in the Arizona desert you might wonder why a story confirming my worst fears would be a good idea. The report titled, "Mountain lion that stalked Ariz. hiker killed," told of a hiker who in spite of wielding a gun, man's best friend and boots with jeans no doubt (boots and jeans are my own conjuring) found himself the stalked prey of a vicious mountain lion. This case had authorities concerned, "U.S. Forest Service officials found the incident troubling because the lion showed no fear of humans. 'It was not acting in a way that normal mountain lions act,' Schewel said, adding that it was "an obvious threat to human safety." No fear of humans! Obviously this guy did not have the Incredible Gun-Wielding Snake-Distracting Duo of Berry and Son but with such a cantankerous kitty I doubt it would have mattered.

Monday, October 20, 2008

LOL... banana?

Huh? Right...the old slip on the banana peel bit gets me LOLing every time! But what really gets me ROTFL is this joke:

Knock, knock

Who's there?

Banana

Banana who?

Knock, Knock

Who's there?

Banana

Banana who? (repeat to annoy)

Knock, Knock

Who's there?

ORANGE

Orange who?

ORANGE ya' glad I didn't say BANANA!!!!

Our First Scorpion

Friday, October 17th
A Message Home:

YO! or HOLA! or CIAO! or HI THERE! Hope you have had a good week. Saw our first scorpion last night. Luckily it was OUTSIDE. We were taking a short walk to check the mail and I noticed it on the sidewalk. Fairly good sized fellow. Which I suppose means less dangerous?!? Anyway...we scardy cats took the other side of the sidewalk when we walked back. Kind of freaked us both out. When we went on a "hike" last weekend there were signs posted that said CAUTION!!! SNAKES ARE OUT!!!! and then had a cartoon picture of a rattlesnake. Uhhh...Adam...I'm not too sure about this. Without the company of Austin the expert marksman and John the snake distracter I really don't feel all that safe in the desert. Adam said...well next time we can wear jeans. And bring a gun and wear boots---I said. So yeah...I don't think I am quite cut out for this rough landscape. I was also scared that a mountain lion would pounce on us at any moment and eat our heads. Advice? :-)

Response:

I would imagine that you were far more likely to fall down a set of slippery, frozen metal stairs to your death in an attempt to wash your underwear in Cleveland than you are likely to have your head eaten by a mountain lion. On the other hand, wear jeans and cover your toes when hiking in the desert. At the very least shorts with boots. We'll talk to you later.

Methinks it might have been this type.